The first element of true love is loving kindness. The essence of loving kindness is being able to offer happiness. You can be the sunshine for another person. You can’t offer happiness until you have it for yourself. So build a home inside by accepting yourself and learning to love and heal yourself.”

—Thích Nhất Hạnh, How to Love

Robert Kuhl lived by embodying loving kindness. A lifelong educator, Robert focused on understanding and practicing deep relationships in all aspects of his work, in service of creating spaces for healthy learning. This article, with its focus on six relationships situated both inside and outside of the school building, reflects his fundamental approach to school leadership: we will be unable to impact outcomes or lives until we know each other and our students well.

Robert Kuhl was an inspiring educator and extraordinary leader, and it was my privilege to have served alongside him as dean of students while he was director of High Tech High Media Arts, a position he held from 2006 to 2017. His impact on my life is deep and profound—an experience shared by many. Robert lived according to a philosophy of deep connection and relational empowerment, and although he passed in July 2023, his impact on education will continue well beyond his terrestrial days.

—Melissa Agudelo

Lincoln High School

A version of this article appeared on the Edweek Learning Deeply Blog in June 2017. We are publishing it honor of Robert, and his singular vision of teaching and learning.

Over the past decade I have interacted with hundreds if not thousands of visitors at High Tech High.  So many have asked how they could do Project-based Learning in their schools.  After a bit more questioning I would often find that they were looking for something more comprehensive than just projects.  They were looking to transform the culture of their schools through comprehensive Deeper Learning.

Underlying Deeper Learning are the relationships that make learning meaningful and sticky.  In my many conversations with guests it became evident that in every educational setting some relationships were strong and others needed attention.  In some schools adult-student relationships were strong; students were known well.  In others parent-school relationships were strong; parents were actively involved in their children’s education.  Through these conversations I developed a framework for reflection on the Six Relationships.  Using this tool can help a school identify strengths upon which to build and areas in need of attention.

To be clear, many of these ideas were borrowed from others, especially Rob Riordan from High Tech High and Elliot Washor from Big Picture Learning.  I do not claim any of them as my own; I have simply compiled them in one place.

The Six Relationships: What They Are

Three Internal

Student and Student—In great schools students know one another and work together.  What this looks like:

• Students do group work and have concrete assigned roles and norms of interaction. The “how” of the group is as important as the “what.”
• Students engage in constructive kind, helpful, and specific critique.
• Students grow comfortable working with anyone in the classroom.

Adult and Student—In great schools students are known well by one or more adults.  What this looks like:

• Students report that their teachers care about them.
• Adults notice when a student is “off” and have empathetic conversations.
• Adults give concrete, specific feedback that is personalized.
• Instead of trying to reach the student through the text (the content and ideas in the curriculum) the adults know the students well and reach the text through the relationship with the students.  One way to do this is to treat student experience itself as text. Another way is to engage in respectful dialogue about what and how students are thinking.

Adult and Adult—According to Roland Barth, “the nature of relationships among the adults within a school has a greater influence on the character and quality of that school and on student accomplishment than anything else.”  What this looks like:

• Adults engage with one another about their practice through dialogue and co-planning.  This could be through the use of dilemma or project-tuning protocols in a staff meeting and/or more informal problem solving at lunch.
• Adults celebrate one another through shout outs and by attending each other’s exhibitions of student work.
• Adults take a solution-oriented approach when conflict arises, rather than reverting to gossip and triangulation.

Three External

School and Community—How well does the school engage the community as a resource and/or audience for student work?  What this might look like:

• A school creates a field guide to a locally important natural area.
• Students interview veterans and celebrate their stories in a publication and an event at a local museum.
• Students build model submersible autonomous vehicles for the the navy.

School and Home—How well are the school and families integrated to support students? How well does the school understand the homes its students come from? What this might look like:

• Home visits: A student’s advisor does a home visit when the student is new to the school.
• Exhibitions: Whether at school or in the community, parents attend exhibitions of student work.
• Student-led Conferences: Parents and teachers attend conferences that are led by the student and grounded in evidence of the student’s growth.

Work in School and Work in the Adult World—How closely does the work students do in school approximate the work done by adults?  What this might look like:

• Students use publishing company structures to self-publish books.
• Students design and build custom tiny homes for local artists.
• Students build and sell sail boats.
• Students write and perform plays about the demise of the honey bee.

The Six Relationship: What They Are Not

This is not the only lens through which to look at one’s school or at project-based learning.  It is, I have found, a productive place to start thinking about transforming a school and a helpful framework for efforts to continually improve.  It is also not simply about what questions are asked or interventions taken—it’s about who asks, and who acts. It’s a question of culture.