When Washtucna School District’s attendance team shared their findings from empathy interviews with caregivers, I thought I would know what they learned. I expected to hear that they needed to address frequent absences due to health concerns, or foster a more welcoming school climate, as per some of the commonly cited reasons for absence in the state of Washington (PSESD, 2025). It turns out I was wrong.

Washtucna is a small K–12 school serving five communities in rural Washington, and they joined our attendance improvement network to reduce chronic absenteeism. The team—which included the principal, special education teacher, and secretary—called caregivers to arrange in-person or phone interviews. Through their conversations, the Washtucna team uncovered something that genuinely surprised me as an improvement coach: families actually wanted more communication about attendance. For years, I’d heard school teams worry about over-communicating and overwhelming parents. We assumed families would tune us out. But when caregivers said they wanted more frequent, personal updates—it flipped our assumptions upside down.

Instead of shrugging it off, the Washtucna team turned this insight into action. They coached teachers to reach out intentionally, so that every absence felt noticed—not with a scolding tone, but with a warm, “Hey, we missed you today.”

Because they took what they heard and put it into practice, things are moving in the right direction. Their chronic absence rate dropped from 40 percent to 37.5 percent between the 2023–2024 and 2024–2025 school years. Their new communication strategy was a key part of this improvement.

Stories like this remind me just how powerful empathy interviews can be when we lean in with genuine curiosity. But not every story goes that way: I have seen plenty of schools fail to gain insights from empathy interviews, or even harm their relationships with students or caregivers. My fellow Attendance & Engagement Coordinators and I supported more than 20 schools in the 2024–2025 school year. This work has helped us better understand what can go wrong—and what to watch out for—whether you’re conducting empathy interviews yourself or coaching others on how to do them well.

1. Understand that Empathy Interviews Are Not an Intervention

The point of an empathy interview is not to “fix” a student’s attendance, improve their grades, or address a behavioral issue. The point is to learn. Period.

Yes, it’s possible an empathy interview can lead to an increase in regular attendance, an improvement in academics, or fewer behavior concerns—but only if the goal is honest curiosity. This might sound obvious, but on multiple occasions I have observed teams using empathy interviews as a tool to “educate” students and caregivers, rather than trying to learn from them. I’ve seen schools write “empathy” questions that were really attempts to persuade families to care more about school. For example, “Why do you think it’s important to come to school everyday?” or “How do you think your child’s grades will suffer if they miss more days?”

I’ve also seen team members expecting “results” from empathy interviews. In one attendance team meeting, a staff member said, “The empathy interview didn’t work—the student still didn’t show up to school.” Well, that was never the point. The staff member was correct that the interview didn’t work, but the person who it didn’t work on was the staff member, not the student.

The entire goal of an empathy interview is to understand the story behind the absences, without judgment or an agenda. When the purpose is genuine learning, families open up—and they’ll often share insights no data report can capture.

How to tell if you’re using empathy interviews as an intervention, and what to do instead

Signs that your “empathy interview” is an intervention	What to do instead
You find yourself giving advice, tips, or resources during the interview	Save advice-giving for a follow-up conversation; stay in listening mode and take notes
Your questions contain a “should” or “don’t you think…”	Reframe into open-ended, neutral questions (e.g., “Tell me about…,” “What’s it like when…”)
You’re trying to correct “misconceptions” families have about attendance	Suspend judgment; seek to understand their perspective before offering information
You’re measuring success by whether the family’s mindset changes in the moment	Measure success by what you learn and can act on later

2. Ask Real Questions, Then Actually Listen

Good questions open doors. If your empathy interview feels like a survey or a truancy script, you’ve missed the point. Early in the year, Washtucna’s team came up with the following four questions to ask during empathy interviews with caregivers. The questions worked because they were personal, future-focused, and built trust:

1. Suppose you could have three wishes to make your child’s education the best it could be. What would they be, and why?
2. Tell me about a time when your child was excited about coming to school.
3. Tell me about a time when your child did not want to come to school.
4. What advice would you give another adult about your child?

Ask these questions, then pause. Let silence do its job. Some of the best insights come after a deep breath and a hesitant, “…actually, there’s something else.”

Take detailed notes—or record if you have permission—and capture the exact words. Subtle language can reveal assumptions, barriers, or unspoken hopes that you’d never find out about otherwise.

More Questions that Lead to Rich Insights

• Tell me about a recent time you visited your child’s school (for any reason). What was the visit like? Who did you talk to? How did you feel?
• Tell me about a day your child was excited to go to school. What was going on? How did you know they were excited?
• Tell me about a day your child didn’t go to school. What was going on? How did you feel?
• Tell me about a recent time your child was absent. What, if any, interaction did you have with the school? What was your experience when your child returned to school?

Source: Grunow, Park, & Bennett, 2024, p. 57.

3. Avoid Treating the Empathy Interview Like a Box to Check

I’ve seen teams rush through empathy interviews so they could “get to the real work.” They jot down a few answers and never look at them again. When I follow up, they say, “We didn’t learn anything new.”

When I hear that, I wonder, “Was the interviewer truly listening? Did they ask a follow-up question when something didn’t add up? Were they asking the right questions in the first place?”

The teams that get the most value from empathy interviews don’t do just one round. They keep going back. They cross-check new ideas against what families tell them, and when something doesn’t work, they ask more questions. They understand that the empathy interview isn’t a step to complete—it is a mindset.

How to Help your Team Recognize the Value of Empathy Interviews

• Debrief interviews together so patterns and surprises are visible to the whole team.
• Highlight “aha” moments that wouldn’t have emerged without deep listening.
• Connect what you learned in interviews to changes you made—and the results.
• Treat interviews as an ongoing feedback loop, not a one-time event.
• Celebrate curiosity by recognizing team members who ask great follow-up questions.

4. Expect to Be Surprised 

If your empathy interviews confirm everything you already thought you knew, take it as a red flag. These conversations should stretch your assumptions, poke holes in your explanations, and make you a little uncomfortable. That’s where the growth happens—for you and your system.

Assumption Busting Checklist

Before the interview:

• Have I named my own assumptions? (Write down 2–3 before starting.)
• Am I asking at least one question I truly don’t know the answer to?
• Does my first question invite a story, rather than a judgment?
• Have I included families with a variety of experiences, not just the “usual suspects”?

During the conversation:

• Have I asked, “Can you tell me more?” at least once?
• Did I let them finish before responding?
• Have I asked about something unrelated to academics or attendance to understand context?

After the interview:

• Did I hear anything that surprised me? (If not → why not?)
• Have I shared at least one insight with my team that challenges our current thinking?
• Did I record their exact words rather than my summary?

What Happens Next

Back in Washtucna, what the team learned impacted more than just how often teachers called home—it changed how the whole team thought about partnership with families. I’ve seen this happen in other schools, too: When staff lean in to what they hear, even when it surprises them, they find better ways to show students they matter and families that they’re part of the solution.

If there’s one thing I hope you take away, it’s this: ask first. Listen longer than feels comfortable. Write it down. Talk about it with your team. And then act on what you learn.

Because the real magic of empathy interviews isn’t in the question list—it’s in what you’re willing to do differently after you hear the answers.

 

References

Puget Sound Educational Service District (PSESD). (2025, April). Attendance & Reengagement Project Evaluation Executive Summary. Elementary and Secondary School Emergency Relief (ESSER), Puget Sound Educational Service District (PSESD) & Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction (OSPI). https://www.google.com/url?q=https://strategy.psesd.org/current-evaluation-projects/esser-attendance-reengagement-project-evaluation&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1756927815971974&usg=AOvVaw33NQ07JK-muAELyiLpM_-E

Puget Sound Educational Service District. (2025, April). OSPI/AESD ESSER Attendance & Reengagement Project Evaluation Executive Summary. https://strategy.psesd.org/fs/resource-manager/view/38b1542c-e9e8-416a-843a-f20a1e619989

Grunow, A., Park, S., & Bennett, B. (2024). Journey to improvement: A team guide to systems change in education, health care, and social welfare. Rowman & Littlefield.